The life we never knew she had (short story)

Azaria Pittman-Carter

Short story 

                                       [ THE LIFE WE NEVER KNEW SHE HAD ]

                                                                I: STRANGERS

I was such a stranger to her...but to me her life was everything. An attorney was all she ever wanted to be, since the age of ten watching crime shows sitting too closely in front of the TV; surprised she can even see anything now. She had to be around ten when she started watching those shows… because we were in 4th grade when I started watching her. Oh I forgot, Jade is her name and she wanted to be the hero. Well, that’s at least how I saw it… she wanted to be the person who catches the bad guys, who locks them up for good., the girl who had dreams of turning the hood into a good place. Crazy she wanted to be an attorney considering her environment. We lived in the hood, broken blocks, drug dealers with gold tooth smiles on every corner, you’d have a bad day if you didn't get a laugh out of the neighborhood crackheads on the way to school. Me and Jade both attended Whitaker High School. We've been going to the same school since we were youngins, everything Jade did I saw, and everything I did...well Jade just didn't know. We always walked past each other in school, never said a word to each other, never even shared something as simple as our birthdays. Me and Jade would always stare at each other in school though, looking into eachothers eyes often as if we were in a heated game of chess. What were we trying to figure out? What were we trying to see in each other?  Did Jade know a little about me too? If the answer to this question is ‘YES’ then it would make me feel alot better because I knew Jade...better than she knew me. I knew more and saw more than any conversation could tell me. Maybe that's why I never tripped if me and Jade talked, I already knew so much about her I felt like there wasn't anything for me to get to know. I knew Jade better than the bus schedule and I look at the bus schedule everyday of my life! Jade and I are from Downtown Brooklyn, a place where we are born to fail, expected to die or of course be in jail. Only a few make it out of this trap we were born into, Jade wanted to be one of the few, I thought Jade could make it out too. Crazy thinking about how Jade was from the hood and she wanted to lock niggas up. The hood was in all of us who dwelled in it, Jade wouldn't find this out though until later in life, in our neighborhood, our hood life.  

Jade's dad Velly was a money making man...people in the neighborhood always wondered and pondered on what he did for a living. I aint gone lie through that cracked window I constantly gazed through across the street...I wondered what Mr. Velly did too. He never mentioned an office, or worksite; you never really saw him talk to the neighbors or sit outside their house like other people on the block did. If you were to gaze at Mr.Velly or wave he’d give you the same wink and gold toothed smile that he gave to everyone. Jade's mom Clarice worked at the dollar store down the street; only on weekends, I saw her leave for work. I always wondered why Ms. Clarice only worked on weekends. Shit my momma worked every day while my pops sat on his ass, I always wondered why Jade momma ain't work like mine did? I figured maybe it was because her dad paid for everything. I always wondered how her dad had so much money but you never saw him or heard of him working anywhere. Jade's family was my biggest mystery, while Mr. Velly was just a mystery to everyone on our block. Word around the neighborhood he was a ‘real nigga’ a ‘breadwinner’. One time I heard my daddy broke down ass say ‘That nigga cross the street running a king pen! Cant even be mad at em, I wish’.  I never quite understood what my daddy was trying to say, shit I usually don't pay him no mind. He always so drugged up, it’s hard to tell if he’s spitting facts or jibberish. I may not know all the facts about Jade, but I knew enough. At the end of the day one thing about Jade was always real...she was simply a little black girl from Brooklyn with big dreams. 

                                              II: NICE TO MEET YOU

Oh I forgot to tell yall who the hell I am….shit I forget things a lot. But it’s okay better to tell you now than never, I’m Jade's neighbor Josh. Like I said Jade she don't know me...but I watch her and I know her. Since elementary school, I've gazed through that cracked window of mine and lived the life I wanted...Jade’s. I wanted nice things like she did, I wanted a dad who made money and bought me nice things. I wish I didn't have to take the bus to school! I wanted parents who drove a car and dropped me off at Whitaker like Jades did. I always wanted the newest Air Force ones with an outfit to pop it off, not these hand me downs I own! I wanted to be like Jade, and the more I discovered about her only helped my fantasy. Through my broken blinds and cracked window across the street, I watched Jade’s life and escaped from mine. Afterall I needed the relief, my pain justified the long days and nights I spent watching her life through my window. Days of hearing arguments coming from my fucked up parents, receiving all the unnecessary ass whoopings from my pops when he can't get a fix. I needed some good in my life, some positive, another reality. That reality just happened to be Jade’s every chance I could I made sure that I saw all that I could. Jade's life was honestly where I wanted to be all the time. I wondered so many things about her,  ‘How is she living in the hood near my broken down ass but living so damn good?!’, ‘Why don't her parents beat her ass and fight like mines do?’.  It was soon that I would realize Jade's life was just like mine; it was just very well hidden. 

                             III: I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU ALREADY

(February 25th, 1998) 

*BOOM!* “EVERYBODY OUT! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!! HANDS UP WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM NOW!” 

I look out my broken blinds only to see something I’ve never seen out of Jade’s family before, her father Mr. Velly on the ground pinned down, breathing hard, his gold chains shining in the hot sun that day, his gold teeth grinding together hard. I see multiple police officers jump out of the SWAT van tearing Jade's beautiful house apart. They tore my beautiful fantasy life apart, I thought I knew everything about Jade’s family...but I was wrong. This part of the fantasy was all new. It wasn't until the police officers started pouring out the house with more bricks than I can count in hand, bags of weed and guns shit some of those guns I saw were bigger than me! I realized then that Jade's house was more of a mystery than I thought...I realized then that my dad was spitting facts that day. Mr. Velly was indeed running a king pen, with a neighborhood full of crackheads and block boys I should've known Mr. Velly was the one supplying them all. Shit I know im a little stupid, but I didnt think I was that dam stuppid! I wondered then did Jade ever wonder about my life too? Did she ever want to switch places with me and be the kid who looks from afar through a cracked lense?  

Dam I should really be Jade’s friend. 

                                                                       

                                     IV: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Dear Josh,

I don’t know the best way to say all this but I thought I might as well just write it in a letter. First things first, I know you watch me boy! I always see you staring at me in school, and you’re not good at hiding the fact you watch me through your bedroom window. The crack in your blinds always shows your afro, that's how I know when you're watching us. I may not catch you watching all the time but trust me Josh Im not stupid! I'm not mad at you for watching me either, I respect you….maybe that's why I stare back at you sometimes too. Everybody in this neighborhood wonders about me and my family, I can tell because they ask me. I know you probably wonder about us too, but at least you don't have the balls to ask me, that's why I like you Josh. You ain't got no balls, or else you would have asked...that's why I figure if I was to tell anybody anything it would be you. You are the most quiet boy on the block, you don't have to say much though, your hair and your weird ways speak for themself. And through our long stares at school, I'm certain me and you have an understanding. Josh...do you know how many people ask me about my life every week? How many people constantly ask me about my dad and why he makes the money he does. They ask me as if im stupid or I dont know, Im just good at playing pretend I guess. My dad fools everybody else but me, that's why he gets me whatever I want...so I can see him as a good dad not the man who slings drugs to everybody in the neighborhood. My father, Mr. Velly is a mystery to everyone on the block...but he ain't no mystery to me. I don't care how much nice shit I own, or the cars and the money doing wrong is wrong! Especially when you're poisoning good people and selling them drugs that will soon destroy their lives. I hear you arguing with your dad almost everyday, sometimes I can hear him beating your ass too. Who do you think your dad gets his rock from? Who do you think your dad goes to for a fix? I hated my father so much for helping your father be worse to you everyday without even knowing it. How he pushed drugs to your father and made him worse. I hated my father for all the bad he did but most importantly the bad he did to you Josh! To me my father Velly is just another man...another block boy who needed to be taught a lesson. I know you can see I watch a lot of crime shows, and I want to be an attorney, the person who beats the bad guys. I just didn't think that the first bad guy I’d help bust would be my dad Velly. That's why I reported him to the feds that day and made the anonymous call, I couldn't sit back and continue to live off the fruits my fathers wrongs produced. I had to help….I’m writing you this letter because I feel like you need to know. I wish I would have talked to you before, gotten to know you in a different way a bit sooner so i'm writing this letter while I sit across the street.

Dam, we should really be friends.

With love,

Jade